So that was how it started. Actually it started beautifully. I went to church service and the reason I say beautifully is because it was absolutely beautiful. Some singing of a Christmas Carol and they did so well, it was so awesome. And Pastor Mike had a great message today and it was just great all around. Until I tried to leave lol. God mental breaks suck.
It actually started last night when I reacted unusually insanely to something that wasn't that bad. I mean, to me it was. It felt like people were going over my head because I don't know what I'm doing or something. I had made plans for Madisyn to be picked up by a friend to go to the Jones Creek Parade and she was going to hang out with them until I got there after church. Plans made. The end. I am not married. There is no one who can go over my head and change things...or is there. My ex husband was watching our nieces for the night and he would have them today for the parade so he planned to bring them to the parade. It gave them something to do, gave me time to see them, etc. He runs into my friend at a party and completely changes the plans. He is going to pick up Madisyn now and bring her to the parade. I had already made the plans, had my own reasons for her to go with them. She needs to spend time with people besides us. She hides in her own shell and she needs to learn to be around other people. So no one asks me what I think. I am not married. Let me say that again. I am not married. I am a single mother. My ex is her dad but not legally and has no right to go above my head and change plans. Like I said, I overreacted but I'm feeling better and I want control in my life. I'm sick of people assuming I'm unable to make plans and decisions of my own regarding my daughter and going over my head and changing things. No one has that power. No one. When I am sick and in the hospital or sick and unable to think or move, sure go over my head, sure realize that I'm making no sense and make executive decisions but don't while I am perfectly fine. There is a line there. Don't cross it. I only blame my ex. Not my friend. Just the way it goes. She didn't know any better. He should by now.
Now that my evilness is out let me tell you about my appointment with my lung doctor this week. Nothing new in the "what's that all in my lung" department. Still probably fluid related to my enlarged heart and the blood clot. Normally your heart will work to get that blood clot taken care of and fluid out of your lungs but when your heart is in failure and enlarged it doesn't really work very well. It's working, just not very well. I did, however, find out that the thought is I will be on oxygen for most of my foreseeable life. Fun times I tell ya. Fun times. Anyone want to go hiking? It really pisses me off to think that in the years before this all I did was work work work. I never went and did out doors stuff, sports, fun, any of that. I worked and worked and worked. And now it doesn't seem that I will be able to do that stuff. Who knows maybe I will. You never know. Doctors don't know everything even though I feel I have the best lung doctor around. GO HEAD DR. G!
I'm really excited because now I have an oxygen conserver. Instead of a tank lasting four hours it can now last 19. I went to a concert once and had to lug two tanks around because we weren't sure if I would run out or not. No more of that! I could drive to houston and back and back to Houston again with one tank. Talk about awesome.
Besides my mental break, mood swings, and high anxiety, I feel like I have been doing well lol. Doesn't sound that way does it. Maybe I need to increase some meds. Anyway at the times when I'm not being all around crazy I feel as though I'm doing good. A lot better health wise anyway. I was able to hang at the parade for a couple hours today and was fine! It was nice to get out the house.
I've been busy so I haven't been doing too much reading. I'm still reading The Golden Lily but today I read a short story, well it's a book but a small book. It was called Prisoners at the Kitchen Table by Barbara Holland. It's a childs book. It was on our bookshelf and I hadn't read it, one of Madisyn's books, and I had a little time to spare so I picked it up. What an emotionally jarring book! The author wrote the book as a gift for her sons. The book is awesome. It could easily had been longer and made for teens but the way it was written was probably for elementary school. The book is about these two classmates who are kidnapped. It's told from the view of the little boy. It shows his style of thinking, about how his views of adults and how he wants to be good and not upset the adults even after he's been kidnapped. It was emotional for me at the end, but just so you know, no one dies. It's more of a sweet emotion. If you have a few minutes one day, read it, it's worth your time.
We discovered a new Christmas movie we like. It's called Snow with Tom Cavanough and Ashley Williams. We fell in love with it. It's a one of our new movie's for Christmas.
Hope your Christmas holiday is rocking!
Now that my evilness is out let me tell you about my appointment with my lung doctor this week. Nothing new in the "what's that all in my lung" department. Still probably fluid related to my enlarged heart and the blood clot. Normally your heart will work to get that blood clot taken care of and fluid out of your lungs but when your heart is in failure and enlarged it doesn't really work very well. It's working, just not very well. I did, however, find out that the thought is I will be on oxygen for most of my foreseeable life. Fun times I tell ya. Fun times. Anyone want to go hiking? It really pisses me off to think that in the years before this all I did was work work work. I never went and did out doors stuff, sports, fun, any of that. I worked and worked and worked. And now it doesn't seem that I will be able to do that stuff. Who knows maybe I will. You never know. Doctors don't know everything even though I feel I have the best lung doctor around. GO HEAD DR. G!
I'm really excited because now I have an oxygen conserver. Instead of a tank lasting four hours it can now last 19. I went to a concert once and had to lug two tanks around because we weren't sure if I would run out or not. No more of that! I could drive to houston and back and back to Houston again with one tank. Talk about awesome.
Besides my mental break, mood swings, and high anxiety, I feel like I have been doing well lol. Doesn't sound that way does it. Maybe I need to increase some meds. Anyway at the times when I'm not being all around crazy I feel as though I'm doing good. A lot better health wise anyway. I was able to hang at the parade for a couple hours today and was fine! It was nice to get out the house.
I've been busy so I haven't been doing too much reading. I'm still reading The Golden Lily but today I read a short story, well it's a book but a small book. It was called Prisoners at the Kitchen Table by Barbara Holland. It's a childs book. It was on our bookshelf and I hadn't read it, one of Madisyn's books, and I had a little time to spare so I picked it up. What an emotionally jarring book! The author wrote the book as a gift for her sons. The book is awesome. It could easily had been longer and made for teens but the way it was written was probably for elementary school. The book is about these two classmates who are kidnapped. It's told from the view of the little boy. It shows his style of thinking, about how his views of adults and how he wants to be good and not upset the adults even after he's been kidnapped. It was emotional for me at the end, but just so you know, no one dies. It's more of a sweet emotion. If you have a few minutes one day, read it, it's worth your time.
We discovered a new Christmas movie we like. It's called Snow with Tom Cavanough and Ashley Williams. We fell in love with it. It's a one of our new movie's for Christmas.
Hope your Christmas holiday is rocking!
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