I lie. I was seriously excited to go see Maleficent when it came into theaters. Then when I preordered it and the new Taylor Swift album I was excited to see those come in too. Excited to watch, and even enjoyed it. My life can be so frustrating all the time that I forget the happiness. Maybe on here I will document so I can come back and read it.
Sweet tea is another thing that makes me happy, knowing that I'm giving that up completely, well that makes me unhappy lol. I'm still going to try and drink it, just without sugar. Maybe splenda, or stevia, or something. That whole diabetes thing I talked about in my last post ain't no joke. My internal medicine doctor isn't a fan of the fact that I took the heart failure and ran with that diet and kinda pretended to not have diabetes. I did stop drinking coke awhile back (hold your gasps) and I stick to sparkling water and have been loving sparkling juice. Exactly the kind of thing my doctor does not love.
As insane as this may sound, I was kind of ecstatic to finally get a BiPap machine. When I left the hospital I actually was scared to go home without one. Scared that what happened at the hospital would happen again. I use the BiPap as a preventive device now.
I'm happy everytime I see one of Madisyn's drawings. She took the summer to teach herself how to draw and she draws so well now. I feel like such a failure next to her lol. Each of her drawings speak to me, they are mostly anime but lately she has gotten into drawing her own drawings and she blows me away.
I took my dog to the groomer for the first time ever. She was gone for maybe four hours and during those four hours I wasn't home. I was running errands with my mom. But when I picked her up and she came running to me my heart felt like it was just going to swell up and never stop.
Last for today, I got a phone call earlier. I'm gonna predate this with I've had a whole weekend of crying. I went to our Single Mom's Ministry at church on Friday and the Holy Spirit came and rushed over me, releasing all of my emotions that I have held back for a long time. Still, in that groove there was a funeral I attended Saturday for a very special person, and I cried and cried. Continued crying that night and woke up and went to church for the first time in a very long time. I would always use the reason that I don't drive anymore, but my mom used to drive me and would if I just asked, and said she would this Sunday. I stopped asking a long time ago, well because I felt bad. I hate that my mom has to bring me everywhere probably more then she hates it. Back to what I was saying, I went to church, and cried and cried and cried. I talked to my mom after church and cried. Just when I thought it was over, the weekend was gone and it was Monday and all was anew. I received a phone call from someone who had been contacted by someone ( I don't know if they want to be recognized so I'm just going to call them someone) who wanted to bless us with some Thanksgiving dinner and help with Christmas for myself and Madisyn. And then I cried. I didn't go to church and pray for this to happen, it just did. God saw my hurt soul. He knows the pain and heartache that has happened lately. He sent someone to see our need and filled it and I can't be more happy. They also brought us some fruit today just cuz I needed some.
I know it was God who answered these unprayed prayers. He saw this was something I needed after everything that has happened in the past six months. Not just healthwise but in my personal life too. He wants to take care of me through this and help me realize I have made it through all of it and to just look forward. Not to look at the past, not at the hurt, the pain, or the heartbreak, but forward, to a new time, a new season. I don't know what the future brings but right now, it's okay.
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