Sunday, November 9, 2014

Just wow

Hey All,


I'm back. Well kind of.  I may not post for another year like I did previously but I'm posting today.

It's been a really rough year.  I say year but I probably mean last part of the year but since I don't quite remember the beginning part of the year I can't tell ya.  Everything centers around this bubble of life that started July 30th.  I guess it really started in June.  Mid June I came down with pneumonia.  I was sick, yada yada yada.  Well then I thought I was getting better and boom! I was sick again, pneumonia again.  This time it knocked me off my feet and into lala land.  I didn't really move from this one spot for a week.  I was halfway on, halfway off the bed, fully dressed.  My mom, my ex, my daughter, they would come and check on me...well at first some were pissed at me for not answering texts, and ignoring them, not naming any names, but once they saw me it sunk in.  I was in killer pain even though I was on killer pain medication.  So thinking maybe it was inflammation I took Advil.  Worse. Idea. Ever.

During my bouts of pneumonia we had a trip to Houston.  My regular doctor had changed hospitals, so once again, here we are starting over with a new doctor.  I was so aggravated.  I decided when he were to walk in I was going to question him.  Ask him about my history, what he has read about me in my file, and see how much he really cared.  He failed miserably and had a hand in what was to come.  Looking at my file he must have gone back six months and decided he knew all he needed to know.  He couldn't answer my questions and kept repeating my current treatment.  Upon observation he decided I had been on steroids too long and needed to reduce my dose, of course he says this after I tell him about how we have been reducing my steroid dose.  Can you feel my frustration?  I tell him about my reason for being on steroids and how long, etc.  He again, pushes the idea that I need to get off the steroids.  

Now I would not mind one bit to get off steroids.  But unfortunately, I tell him, I am allergic to the medicine that is saving my life right now.  I have an allergist who has prescribed these and is watching over me very closely.  All the man could talk about is taking me off steroids and how he doesn't think I have a "true allergy".  If looks could kill.  The man would not listen to a word I said.  So against my better judgement, when we get home to Baton Rouge and follow up with my local oncologist, I say, "okay, let's try taking the medicine every three weeks so it lowers the amount of steroids I receive." Worse. Idea. Ever.

In the period of three weeks I get diagnosed with steroid induced diabetes, heart failure (yes, again),  and pneumonia (for the second time).  The heart failure resulted from the increase in the medicine I once took once a week but moved to every three weeks so we could lower the amount of steroids I was on.  Thanks doc.  Not a true allergy ay.  

Unfortunately; like I said, the steroids ended up causing diabetes.  With prayers that it would go away as soon as the steroids got out my system that was the least of my problems.  I didn't really believe I had diabetes at that point, just a side affect of the medicine and it would go away.  

Back at my local oncologists for my monthly medicine my bloodwork came back and she didn't really like it.  My kidney count was all "out of whack" so she decided to give me some fluids, some vitamins, and see me in a week. The Sunday before my appointment I had family over.  Being the awesomes that they are, they came over and helped (well I watched) me clean my upstairs.  As we are visiting my vision kind of goes away.  It's slow at first, I felt like I had rubbed them and caused white spots in my vision and just needed to rub them some more to make it go away and soon realized it wasn't going away.  Being the idiot I am I waited till my appointment the next day to see the doctor.  Note to everyone else: if that happens go to the hospital, that means something is wrong.

My counts were off again at the doctors office and she decides to give me more fluids and was going to have me come back the next day for more, and check my counts again.  It wasn't until I see my nurse to get my shot do I remember to tell them, "oh yeah, I can't really see and I am a lot more nauseous then normal".  Add that to my kidney problem and I was being rolled to the ER in a heartbeat.  

Suddenly I am in kidney failure, am receiving a vas cath placement and am receiving kidney dialysis.  W.T.F. Finally after years God decides to answer a prayer.  Two days of dialysis and my kidneys are back to normal and I'm out of heart failure!  Double wow!  They remove my vas cath and I was so close to home I could feel it.

I had a friend from The SIngle Mom's Ministry I attend when I can visit me that day after the vas cath removal.  After we are talking for a bit I realize that I'm running myself down and am running out of breath as I talk and politely ask her to leave.  That was the moment hell started.

I'm not going to go through everything.  This blog is already so long and a lot of you know this story because of facebook or from visiting me, etc.  While they removed my vas cath a blood clot that apparently was near my MediPort, kind of flung itself over to my lungs.  When this happened it caused so much to happen.  Worse was, I stopped being able to breath.  Worse then that was, since I have a history of anxiety they decided I was having an anxiety attack and pet my hand, talked soothingly, and I couldn't argue or say anything because I couldn't breath.  Finally after I turned a nice shade of blue a nurse realized I wasn't having an anxiety attack and realized I really couldn't breath.  Praise. God.  They rushed me to the ICU and placed me on a BiPap machine.  I credit my life today to that amazing machine.  Of course and the nurse or doctor, I didn't see who it was, who realized I really couldn't breath.  

I spent a while in ICU.  Not gonna lie.  I thought I was done for.  I thought, I haven't even made a will yet.  Stupid right? Everyone needs a will, especially a single mom with cancer, right.  Not me.  Nope, decisions are hard. The pastor at the hospital prayed the last rites prayer over me.   I went into heart failure, a.g.a.i.n.

I was in the hospital for what felt like a lifetime.  So much more happened that I'm going to spare you of, but I missed Madisyn's first day of high school.  My mom spent her birthday in the hospital with me.  I was so lucky to have family that had already planned to be in town for that week I was put in the hospital so I had plenty of love surrounding me.  And when I finally got to come home I had people go out of their way to make meals for us that were on my heart failure/diabetes diet.  I had to relearn how to climb stairs (my legs just refused to lift), shower, was put on oxygen at home, had physical therapy for a month and a half, a at home nurse for two months, a rehab nurse for a month, all these people helped me so much.  Maybe one day I will get into more but for now that's all I can do.  I had p.t.s.d from the hospital and had to get on more anti-depressants, which I had just weaned myself off of.  I now have an at home BiPap machine for use, well, at home.  Definitely at night, and during the day when I can.  I have an oxygen cord that can go around my whole house from my room for the day.  I get to roll around with oxygen when I leave the house, and my lung doctor requested I get a hospital bed.  In the words of Cher in Clueless, "AS IF".  I going to try and start a fundraiser online to raise money for a bed that sits up that is not a hospital bed.  I am 35 guys, I refuse.  I am doing much better now and I don't want a hospital bed making me feel like I'm a sicky.  No offense to anyone who uses one I just feel like after all this I really need some dignity left in my life.  The hospital stole so much of it and I'm trying to find myself again.  

But on here I really want to thank everyone who came and visited me whether at the hospital or at home, anyone who brought a meal, or was gracious in buying me the things rehab told me to have.  It's been a rough road and just in time for Thanksgiving I'm feeling better and I think this Thanksgiving will mean so much more this year.  It's never been my favorite holiday but this year I see the draw.  Thanks everyone.

Shannon

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