I can't explain why it affected me the way it did but, well, it did. I think I had hoped I would be all good and we would carry on as usual. I think my mind set was at, if I have a pacemaker then I'm really sick (Wtf? I mean I have cancer for Christ's sake). My brain works in mysterious ways. But my doctor went on to tell me if I didn't want to have it done we would roll with that as well. It's my decision in the end. Then of course, it is still up to the electrophysiologist who will look me over and let me know if it's physically possible for me to undergo, a minor surgery, but still a surgery. The electrophysiologist has the final say on if I can have the defibrillator. Doesn't seem like it's a tough surgery at all and I have a good surgery history so unless oxygen is the problem I don't see why he or she would say no.
I'm feeling better then I was earlier. It was an emotionally jarring day. It's just something new, unexpected, unwanted, and overall it's been a frustrating year. One of the toughest yet. But hey I make ten years in 2015. So if you are free December 27th and want to come celebrate that fact with me, message me on facebook, twitter, text, call, vox, bbm, whichever your pleasure. My family is throwing a party (was supposed to be a surprise, we aren't any good at those). Hope to hear from you!